Forgiving But Never Forgetting
by d.graslie
Summary: After Ziva is hurt by the one person she trusted with all of her heart, can she ever feel for him the way that she used to?
1. Chapter 1

_**YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST**_

Tony and Ziva have been dating for two years now. Their relashionship was open to everyone at NCIS and going strong. Not that it was easy to go about telling everyone they were a couple but they knew whatever consquences that came with breaking Rule #12 would be worth it. They've lived together for about a year now and Ziva was even 9 months pregnant with Tony's child. Gibbs wasn't exacly a friend to marriage but he knew that it was the next step if not the step before having this baby. He thought of Tony and Ziva as his own kids but it wasn't weird for him because he knew deep down that they were really meant for each other. Tony has had a couple conversations with Gibbs about his fears and doubts about becoming a father and Gibbs always assured him that when she was born, all those fears would eventually dissapear. Tony still had many doubts, though and he tried being honest with Ziva about them but he just didn't want to worry her more than she already was because of everything that was on her own plate. Tony was out getting coffee for him and Ziva when he ran into someone he was sure he would never see again. "Well if it isn't Tony Dinozzo." Tony quickly turned around with two cups of coffee in his hand to see Jeanne Benoit standing right by the coffee shop he was just in.

"Jeanne?" Literally just frozen with shock. He knew that there was always the possibility of them running into each other again but he hasn't really prepared himself for that day. "Wow, talk about seeing the ghost from Christmas past." taking a big swollow and Jeanne just smiled at him. "Yeah, I was just going to say you looked like you've seen a ghost." laughing a little bit. "So, are you still working at the University Hospital?" Just trying to make small talk. "Yeah, just heading for my shift now. You know, after everything went down with my father, I did a little research on the real Tony Dinozzo and I have to admit, I think I would of liked him a lot, too." Tony just smiled and looked down. "Um, I'm still really sorry about all that, Jeanne. You have to know that it wasn't just my job. I really did care about you. I better get to work." He was about to walk away when Jeanne quickly stopped him. "Um, are you seeing anyone these days?" nervously biting on her lip. Tony was silent for a moment before mentioning Ziva. "Yeah, for about two years 've been living together for about one of them. She's actually 9 months pregnant." Shaking his head while talking.

"Wow, that's great." Not really knowing what to say about all the information she has just gotten. "Well, you'll have to tell her from me how lucky she is." The smile on her face wasn't as genuine as Tony would of liked he wanted to believe that she was happy for them. "No, I'm the lucky one actually. I need to get going." Again, trying to walk away when Jeanne asked Tony something that made him all tingly and not exacly in a good way. "Hey, can I have your number? You know, just incase one of us decides it's ok to become friends." Tony knew right then and there that he really shouldn't be giving her his number but for some reason, he took out his wallet and gave her his card with his cell phone number on it. She then did the same. When Tony was finally able to get to work, he quickly went to check on Ziva who was on paper work duty and was only able to work half days.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Stretching over her desk and wanting a kiss from Tony. Tony put down her cup of coffee and kissed her a few more times than usual. "Coffee is a popular thing in the morning, sweetheart. Your lucky I got a cup at all." She just smiled and stared up at her boyfriend. She looked soo tired and he was hoping she would go home and rest around noon. She needed her rest now more than ever. "Tired, hu?" Leaning down to Ziva's level in her desk chair as she just shook her head and closed her eyes. "Yes, just a few more hours to go. I can't believe I used to complain about staying home. I can hardly keep my eyes open." Tony just smiled at Ziva. "I love you soo much, sweetheart. Just hope you know how much." She just smiled back and took his hand. "You know I do." The day was kind of slow so Ziva just decided to go home early which gave Tony the chance to talk to Abby about what happened that morning. He really needed to get it off his chest.

"Hey, Abs." Walking into her lab as she was tying one of her boots. "Tony, please tell me you have something for me to study, exam, anything? I'm sooo bored." Playing with her shoes. "Nope, but I do need to talk about something." Abby quickly sat in her chair and made her way over to Tony. "I'm all ears." Tony just bit his lip nervously before speaking. "I ran into an friend this morning while I was getting me and Ziva coffee and I can't seem to get her out of my head." Abby's eyes got huge. "Her?" Knowing how many hers he could be reffering to. "Not just any her, Abs. Jeanne Benoit." They just stood in silence for a few moments when Abby stood up and pulled a Gibbs on Tony. Completely taking him by suprise. "Abby! that was harder then even Boss hits me." Rubbing his head. "Well, I don't really know why at the moment, but you needed that." Crossing her arms in anger. "Nothing happened, Abs but for some reason, I feel like just talking to her was betraying Ziva." Abby just glared at Tony which caught his attention. "What?" "Are you sure all you two did was talk, Tony." Trying to look out for her friends. "Yes Abby. All we did was talk. Well, I kind of, sort of, gave her my cell number." Abby quickly pulled a Gibbs again which Tony was really getting sore from. "Why would you do that, Tony? What could she possibly do with your number?" "I don't even know why I gave it to her, Abs. I was just trying to get away quickly and if that's what she wanted. Things are over between me and Jeanne, Abby. She's not going to call and I'm definately not going to call. I just had to be honest with someone about it and I didn't want to shake Ziva up when she's so close to having the baby." Abby looked down at the ground for a few moments. She knew how much he loved her and it wasn't his fault that he ran into Jeanne out of no where. As long as it was over and done with, she would let it go. "I'll apoligize for only one of those head slaps but you definetely deserved the first one. Thanks, Abs. I'm going to go call Ziva and see how she's feeling." Tony left Abby's lab feeling somewhat better about what happened but for Abs, she still felt uneasy about it and she just prayed she didn't have a reason to worry.


	2. Chapter 2

**TONY'S NOT TELLING ME SOMETHING**

Tony and Ziva were at home, sitting on the couch and watching a bunch of nothing on TV when Ziva felt that Tony was bothered by something. He really hadn't said much since he got home and that wasn't like Tony. He only acted that way when something was on his mind. "Hey, nickel for your thoughts." Turning off the TV and putting all her focus on her boyfriend now. "Huh, Oh, I think you meant Penny for your thoughts, Sweetie." She just smiled at another one of her mistakes being corrected. "Well, you know what I meant so." Tony really didn't want to even bring it up and as much as it was becoming a secret now, he didn't want to bother Ziva with something that he was sure was no big deal. "I'm fine, Hunny. I'm just tired." She wanted to make he talk to her but if it was really something important, he would eventually say something. "Well, how about we go take a steaming hot bath together and then go to bed." Winking at her delicious boyfriend. "It's a date." Standing up and helping his very pregnant girlfriend to her feet.

When Tony and Ziva got to work the next morning, Ziva went down to Abby's lab to try and get some information on her boyfriends weird behavior. She just couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't telling her something that she should know. "Hello, Abby." walking into her lab when Abby quickly gave Ziva a chair to sit on. "Ziva, you don't have to come all the way down here like this. Anything you need from me, I can come to you." Ziva just rolled her eyes but appreciated her friends concern. I am fine, Abby. No, actually, I am a little worried about Tony. Resting her hands on her round belly. Abby's eyes just got big and she knew exacly what her friend was worried about. "Worried about Tony? Why's that?" Starting to walk around her lab, nervously. "I'm sure it is not anything to worry about but I hate when he does not open up to me. Tony is not telling me something, I know we all have secrets but that is all supposed to change when you are in a relashionship." Rubbing her belly nervously and suddenly Abby was conflicted about saying anything. She remembered what Tony said about Jeanne now being in the past and that it would only make Ziva's mind race if it was brought up to her. "Ziva, you have to know how much Tony loves you." Taking Ziva by the hands. "I'm certain if it was anything important, he would tell you." "I just worry that I'm soo far along he does not want to tell me certain things because he's afraid it will effect my condition. I am still a whole person, Abby. Do you think he knows that?" Looking at her friend once again. "Ziva, Tony has soo much faith in you and in this child. Whatever he's not telling you, it can waite until he's ready to tell you. Your main focus has to be on this baby. Remember, it's any day now." Ziva just shook her head and agreed with her friend. "Thank you, Abby." Giving her a little hug before heading back upstairs. Abby just hoped that Tony would say something soon so she wouldn't have to.

Later the day, Ziva made it home after her half day of work. She was still concerned her boyfriend was keeping something from her. She could snoop through his phone and check for new numbers, she could look through his computer and check for odd emails, she could do all the stuff that a worried girlfriend does but she didn't want to be that girl. She had to believe that what Tony was keeping from her was no big deal. All this worrying was not good for her or the baby. Tony was with Gibbs and McGee when his phone went off. He checked it and saw that it was Jeanne. He wanted, soo badly, to ignore it but for some reason, he couldn't. It was a text asking him if they could meet up later. It turned out to be the anniversery of her fathers death which was something she was still struggling with. She needed someone who understood what she was going through. Tony knew that this was becoming bigger than just a little secret he wasn't telling Ziva but he didn't want to not show up when Jeanne needed a friend. He texted her and told her he would meet her later on that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**THIS IS NOT NORMAL**

After Tony didn't come home that night, Ziva was definetely starting to worry. She went to work hoping that's where she would find her boyfriend. She had Abby come upstairs to keep her company but not even Abby could make her feel better. "First, he doesn't open up to me and now I don't even know where he is." Sitting at her desk, while chewing on her fingernail. "Have you tried calling him?" Ziva gave Abby a look that said duh. "Yes, Abby. I've called him like 10 times and I've texted him like 20. His phone must be off or dead." Trying to call him once again. "Nothing." Leaning back on her chair. Abby just walked over to the window and thought to herself. "Tony, I hope your not where I think you are and I hope your not with who I think your with. Ziva needs you right now. Please, answer your phone."

Tony met Jeanne outside of the hospital she worked at. She was oviously upset and Tony knew she needed a friend. He just hoped that's all she was expecting from him. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here any sooner. Work takes up a lot of my time." Jeanne just smiled a little. "It's ok. I know what that's like. Can we just walk? I don't feel like being here anymore." They started walking towards a park that was near the hospital and they both sat down on some swings. "I think about him a lot on this day. Part of me thinks about what I miss, part of me thinks about what I never knew about him, but mainly I think about making you the bad guy all this time when it was him who was actually the bad guy. You were just trying to help me." Looking down at the ground. "If anyone knows a thing or two about not knowing fathers, it's me." Giving Jeanne a genuine look. "I know you were just doing your job and I've excepted that now. Still, I can't help but think that I would love Tony Dinozzo as much as I loved Tony Dinardo." Tony just smiled and looked down at the ground and suddenly he could only think about Ziva. "Your thinking about her, aren't you?" Tony just shook his head yes. "She's my new Jeanne and she belongs with Tony Dinozzo." Jeanne was somewhat dissapointed as Tony gave her a compassionate smile.

Ziva was still at the office with Abby while trying to brainstorm where Tony was. McGee and Gibbs went home for the night and it was getting late. Suddenly Ziva got a big pain in her stomic and she felt a rush of water coming out of her. "Abby, my water just broke!" Just sitting there with her mouth open in shock. "Oh, my god." Walking over to Ziva in a panic. "Ok, we need to get you to the hospital. I'm going to get my keys and I'll be right back up, Ziva." Ziva reached down to touch herself and she noticed that what had come out of her was mostly dark blood. "Abby." Abby rushed back over to Ziva and noticed the blood on Ziva's fingers. "Ziva?" Not really knowing what to say. She knew this was not normal but she didn't want to admit that to Ziva. "Im sure its-" Ziva had tears in her eyes and looked up at Abby. "This is not normal. There's something wrong with the baby, Abby." Crying harder now. Abby stood Ziva up and looked in her eyes. "Ziva, calm down. We don't know anything yet. Scrue my keys. We're taking your car. We need to get you to the hospital now." Helping Ziva walk over to the elevator.

After leaving Jeanne at the hospital, Tony was feeling like things were back to normal. Back to the way it was supposed to be. Jeanne understood Tony's life and where it was at now. She appreciated him being there for her as much as he could be. Before going home, he headed to the office to get a few things. Everyone had gone home and he couldn't waite to see Ziva. He was planning on telling her everything now that he was sure of himself. He sat at his desk for a few minutes when he looked up at Ziva's desk across from him. He wanted to call her but his phone had died earlier that night. He just smiled at Ziva's desk for a minute before walking over to it. He noticed something wet on the floor so he turned Ziva's desk lamp on to see what it was. Tony noticed some bloody water on the floor and suddenly Tony got a bad feeling in his stomic. "Oh, my god." realizing what had happened while he was gone. Ziva had been there, her water had broke, and he had a sudden fear that her and the baby were in trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

**TONY, WHERE WERE YOU**

Tony rushed to the hospital Ziva was planning on giving birth at. He quickly went to the front desk and ask about Ziva David. His fears were confimed when one of the nurses said that Ziva and a friend of hers arrived about an hour ago and that Ziva had gone into labor. The nurse didn't know any of the details but she took him to Ziva's room.

He looked in to see Ziva, Abby, McGee, and Gibbs all in the room with her. Everything and everyone looked quiet and Ziva looked upset. They all looked upset, actually. Ziva's stomic was flat. She had their little girl but where was she? Abby noticed Tony outside of the room and she quickly walked outside to talk to him. "Abs, what's going on?" Wanting answers that no one was really willing to answer right at the moment. "Tony?" Just shaking her head as the tears dropped. "Abby, what's wrong? Where's our baby?" Abby just shook her head. She couldn't look Tony in the face. She was angry at him. Very, very angry at him. Tony was about to walk in the room when Abby stopped him. "Abby, I need to go in there. I need to talk to Ziva. I need to know what's going on." Abby fought to keep him outside and suddenly she blew up at him. "Tony, where were you?! We've been trying to contact you for hours!" Tony was in shock by Abby's anger and tone. "I was with a friend. My phone died. I didn't know Ziva went into labor. Where's the baby, Abby?" Abby just shook in head again while the tears ran down her face. "She didn't make it, Tony." Barely able to say that sentence. Tony took a few steps back. "What?" Abby let the door close behind them and looked up but she still couldn't look Tony in the face. "She didn't make it." Whispering now. Gibbs and McGee were sitting with Ziva on her bed as she cried. Was their little girl really gone or was this a nightmare? "What do you mean, she didn't make it, Abby? She was healthy. Everything was fine." Abby just shook her head. "Something went badly wrong. Her aorta was weak, it tore and caused internal bleeding." Tony could not believe this. Earlier today, everything was fine with both Ziva and the baby and no their baby was gone. "No" He wanted to force that door open but he knew he wouldn't get past Abby who was stopping him. "NO! Abby, I need to see Ziva. Please, get out of my way." Abby broke down crying but wouldn't let Tony inside. "Please, just tell me you weren't with her." Closing her eyes and praying he was with some other friend. "It was the anniversary of her fathers death. I just wanted to be there for her." Tears biult up in his own eyes now and the guilt was sinking in. Abby just looked at him one last time. "Well, Jeanne's father and your daughter have something in common now. They both died today." Abby slowly walked away from Tony, leaving him to fight past McGee and Gibbs now.

Gibbs and McGee knew Ziva needed her rest and they really didn't know what they were going to say to Tony. They just kissed her goodnight and left her room. McGee just shook his head and looked at Tony. He left not saying a word to him. Gibbs stood with Tony for a minute. "Boss, how could this happen?" Still in shock. Gibbs really didn't know how to be there for Tony tonight. His heart was still with Ziva and the baby she just lost. "Maybe you wouldn't of had so many questions if you were here, Tony." Tony's heart broke when he heard his boss say that. It was like everyone was blaming him for what happened. "Boss, I" Gibbs was about to leave but he had some advise before he left. "I wouldn't go in there right now, Dinozzo. You are the last person she needs to see." Walking off, leaving Tony alone, outside Ziva's room. A nurse had gone in and checked some of Ziva's vitals. Tony just watched as the nurse came back out. He went against his boss's warning and went in to see Ziva anyway. He slowly walked in the room and just stared at Ziva. She was looking out the window. Tony forced himself to speak. "Ziva?" He barely could say her name. She just breathed in deeply before talking. "Thank you, Tony." She said in a tired voice. Tony was confused. "What?" "I said thank you. Tonight, you reminded me of all the reason why I am alone. Why I'm meant to have anyone special in my life." Tony walked over to Ziva. He wanted to take her hand but he was honestly afraid to touch her. "Ziva, I'm soo sorry. This all feels like a nightmare because everything before tonight was perfect. How can things go from perfect to a nightmare in just a matter of hours?" Desperately wanting answers for what happened tonight. "Atleast you didn't live the whole nightmare alone." Now looking at Tony. She looked soo angry and the Ziva he was looking at now, was not the Ziva he was with today. This Ziva hated him. "Ziva, I'm so" Ziva didn't want to hear any of it. She wanted him out of her room. "I want you to do what your so good at doing these days, Tony. I want you to leave." Tony broke down now as he tried to be there for Ziva. "Ziva, please." Practically getting out of her bed. "Get. Out. Now." Tony just stood there for a minute. "Before you go, Tony. Just answer this one question for me." Tony looked over at Ziva with tears running down. "Who were you with tonight?" Tony's face said it all. He didn't even have to tell her. Tears were biulding up in Ziva's eyes as she looked back out the window. "She can have you, Tony. I think she's had you this whole time."Her voice breaking as Tony just stood there.


	5. Chapter 5

**I Miss Him Soo Much**

About a month after loosing her baby, she was finally ready to go back to work but she wasn't ready to face Tony. She had moved most of her stuff to Abby's where she was staying. There was a few odds and ends still at Tony's but she wasn't worried about that at the moment. She also arranged to be working on a completely different floor at NCIS. She knew she couldn't avoid Tony forever but she was going to try her best for as long as she could. Gibbs, McGee, and Abby all knew she would be working with them yet but she wouldn't be Tony's partner and she wouldnt' be sitting across from him everyday. They all thought that was for the best for now. Ziva sneaked down to Abby's lab because she needed a friend and that friend was no longer Tony.

"Hello, Abby." Abby quickly walked over to Ziva and she wanted to give Ziva a hug but stopped when she touched Ziva's belly. "Ziva, I'm soo glad to see you back. Even though we've been seeing eachother everyday for the past month." Ziva smiled at that. "So, where do they have you working right now?" Ziva rolled her eyes. "It is rediculous, Abby. All I'm doing is paperwork for human resources. I thought being pregnant was boring." Looking down at her stomic as she gently put her hands on it. "How is he, Abby?" Abby looked at Ziva and anger filled her eyes. "How should I know?" Walking over to her lab area. Ziva walked behind Abby. "I know you were friends with Tony long before you even met me. As much as I love all of your support. It' is not fair to keep you from forgiving Tony." Sitting on one of her chairs. "I'll forgive him when I'm ready to, Ziva." There was some tears in Ziva's eyes and she needed to get this out and she knew Abby would be there for her and wouldn't say aything to all the rest. "I still feel her in me, Abby. I still feel all her kicks and movements and when I look down, it's gone. She's gone. I woke up this morning holding my stomic the way I used to when she was still in there and it hit me like it does every morning. She's gone and what makes it worse is I look over and he's gone, too." Abby had tears in her eyes for Ziva. "I miss him soo much." Hugging Abby now. "I realized this past month how much I need him just to get through each day. I know I am doing it without him now but I don't know how much longer I can take." Abby wiped a tear from Ziva's face. "You still love him." Ziva just wiped the rest of her tears off of her face. "Yes, but I am still soo angry with him and I know I will be for a long time. He hurt me soo much, Abby." Abby quickly spoke. "Yes, he did." Defending her friend. "But maybe, this is proof that you can eventually forgive him." Ziva couldn't even think about that now. "I need to get back to work, Abby. I will see you at home, ok?" Abby watched Ziva leave her lab and she couldn't help but feel like there might be some hope for Tony and Ziva after all.

Tony walked into the office and he wasn't suprised that Ziva wasn't in her desk. He had been talking to some of his other co workers and he knew that Ziva was still working for NCIS but it wouldn't be the same job anymore. He was partically mad at Gibbs for allowing Ziva to take another job that was away from them but he also understood why he did. He had a month of reflecting and he did now realize that he was to blame for a lot that went wrong that night. Gibbs was at his desk when Tony felt the anger start to biuld back up. He walked over and got Gibbs attention. "What?" Tony just stood there and glared at Gibbs. "So, I guess it's going to be everyone elses business but mine to know where Ziva is." Gibbs stood up, not taking his eyes off of Tony. "She's in the biulding." Tony just shook his head and followed behind his boss. "Yeah, I'm aware of that. I'm aware that she's been around this past month but I havn't even seen her face." Gibbs faced Tony again. "If she wants to talk to you, Dinozzo, she knows where to find you." Tony just laughed a little bit. "Yeah, well, what if I want to talk to her? Am I just supposed to give someone else she's now working with a little sticky note to put on her desk?" Gibbs was loosing his patience with Tony. Ziva had every right to call the shots here. "Dinozzo, she oviously wants time away from you and if you don't give that to her, you will just be giving her more reason to stay angry with you. I suggest sitting down at your desk, and getting some work done before you make someone else you know exstremely angry with you." Tony sat down like his boss told him to. "I need to know how she's doing, Boss. I'm going nuts without her." Gibbs just looked down at Tony and gave him the best advise he could. "She needs time, Dinozzo. Atleast you know she's in the biulding. She hasn't flown back home where you would have to contact her father about talking to her. Just give her that time." Tony just shook his head but he was still frustrated. He needed Ziva to listen to him and he was going to make that happen. No matter what he had to do.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'M NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HER, ABS**

Tony had all he could take of paperwork so during his lunch hour, he went downstairs to talk to Abby. If she would talk to him. "Hey, Abs." Tony said quietly. All Abby did was stand there, infront of her work. "Hello, Tony." Not putting a whole lot of effert into saying those words. As much as he wanted Ziva to forgive him, he also hated how his friendship with Abby had been effected by all this. He missed Abby's hugs the most. He could surely use one right now. "Abby, I know you could easily hate me forever but can you honestly tell me you could go your whole life an not give me a famous Abby hug"? Abby's face brightened up a little bit. "It would be hard but I think I could do it." Starting to walk around. Not quite facing Tony yet. "So, how goes it down here? Anyone been down here to visit you lately?" Kind of hinting that he meant Ziva. Abby just shrugged and finally looked at Tony. "Even if I did talk to her Tony, I'm not sure I would tell you." Tony just sat down on one of Abby's chairs and looked down at the floor. Abby hated seeing Tony soo hopeless. "You hurt her soo much, Tony." Tony stood up and pushed the chair back in anger which scared Abby a little bit. "I know that I've hurt Ziva, Abby. I'm reminded of it everytime I come home and Ziva's not there, everytime I'm at work and Ziva isn't in the desk in front of me, everytime I wake up and turn to see that Ziva is laying next to me. I'm reminded every minute of everday how much I've hurt her." Tears were running down his face as Abby slowly walked up to him. "You know what I did last night, Abs? I slept in a pile of Ziva's clothes, this morning , after I took a shower, I dried off with one of Ziva's old towels. I need to know something about her, Abs. I'm slowly loosing it without her."

Abby knew then that she had to say something to Tony about her conversation with Ziva. It was basically for Tony's sanity. "She misses you, Tony." Rubbing Tony's arm a little bit which Tony had to admit, felt nice. "I mean, she like desperately misses you." Tony just sighed a little bit in relief and ran his hands through his hair. "She does? I know that shouldn't be making me happy but." Abby thought Tony needed to hear the other part of what Ziva had to say about him. "But she's also soo angry with you right now." That didn't suprise Tony. She wouldn't be trying so hard to avoid him if she wasn't still badly hurting inside because of him. "I know she is." Abby put both her hands on Tony's arms now. It wasn't a complete hug but it was getting there. "The fact that she was down here, asking about you, proves that she hasn't given up on you yet. Please, don't give up on her." Looking Tony in the eyes now as she slowly wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back, so tightly. "I won't. I havn't, Abs. I promise." Abby was beginning to feel Tony coming back to her and she prayed that soon, he would be back with Ziva. That is where he belonged.


	7. Chapter 7

**I KNOW I LET YOU AND YOUR MOMMY DOWN**

After doing his normal snooping around, he found out Ziva was working at Human Resources doing paperwork. She hated doing paperwork. She must of wanted to get away from him pretty bad. He didn't blame her anymore. He spotted her walking by with a few files in her arms. She looked so little. The last time he really remembered seeing her was when she was 9 months pregnant. He missed seeing her pregnant. He missed hugging, rubbing, and kissing her soft, round ball. Ziva was dropping off some the folders when she noticed Tony just staring at her. He looked so thin. Like he hasn't eaten in over a month. She always made sure he ate something for every meal. She loved the idea of taking care of her little family.

Ziva felt like she was going to be sick so she quickly walked in the other direction but Tony ran after her. "Ziva, just stop for a second, please." Trying to take her by the hand but she quickly pulled it away. Ziva knew she could kill Tony with her bare hands. There was a time when she was trained for that but she just didn't think she had it in her to even fight him off but she wasn't exacly willing to listen to what he had to say either. "Ziva, just two minutes, please!" Tony didn't know what else to do so he found himself getting down on his knee's, now facing Ziva's empty stomic.

"Tony, please, do not do this here." Trying to back away from him but Tony had a tight grip around Ziva's stomic. "This is not the time, Tony." Just rolling her eyes when Tony looked up at her. "We havn't spoken in a month, Ziva. When will be the time?" Tony had tears in his eyes but Ziva just looked away from him. He was now desperate. "Fine, it you won't listen to me, then maybe she will." Ziva looked down in confusion. "What are you talking about?" Tony looked directly at Ziva's stomic now and waited a few moments before speaking to his daughter. "Hi, sweetheart. It's daddy. I know you never got to hear my voice and I know mommy only got to spend a short time with you, but I know she bonded with you for a lifetime." He was getting very emotional now as Ziva's eyes were building up with tears.

"She is not in there anymore, Tony." Whispering down to him but Tony kept talking. It was like the 3 of them were having a long overdue discussion. "Mommy and I miss you soo much, baby. Mommy hasn't even been able to face me for what seems like forever. I want to try and fix things with her soo badly but she hasn't givin me the chance. Not that I deserve one." His face was resting on Ziva's stomic now. Her shirt now stained in his tears. She began running her hands through Tony's hair as she continued to listen to what Tony has been waiting to say. That chapter with Jeanne in my life was closed a long time ago and I had no right to re open it." Looking up at Ziva now who was looking down at him. They just stared at each other for the longest time. "I have no life without her, sweetheart. Your mommy and the lives she grows so beautifully inside of her is what I want to start living for. I know I let you and your mommy down but I promise, if she gives me another chance, I can prove to her that I'm still the man she once knew and fell inlove with and I know you'll be looking down on us, baby girl while we try to fix this family." Tony was now hugging Ziva with his big, strong arms and it was like he was hugging all three of them.

Ziva looked around to see that a croud was now biulding up around her and Tony. Tony didn't care who heard him. He wanted everyone to know how he felt about Ziva and their little girl. The looks on everyone's faces were saying that Tony was just a man who made a mistake and was now bagging and pleading for his girlfriends forgiveness. It wasn't even to get Ziva back with him right away, he just wanted her to finally listen to what was in his heart which had been broken but he knew Ziva could help put it back together. Ziva herself, was beginning to realize that she wasn't the only one hurting. She hadn't been the only one hurting. She was only willing to feel her own pain. She didn't know where this left her and Tony but one thing was was for sure, she was with him now and she wasn't leaving him again.


	8. Chapter 8

**THE PART I'M HAVING A HARD TIME LETTING GO OF**

After everything Tony had said to Ziva through her stomic and to the spirit of their little girl, Ziva decided to really hear him out. Everything he had said, she really took to heart but she just didn't know if they could have a normal, happy relashionship again. Too much might have happened and they couldn't exacly just go back to the way things were. They continued to talk in one of the empty office's that was on Ziva's floor she was now working on.

"It's like you finally looking me in the face has giving my skin it's life back. I've been sold cold and empty these past four weeks." They were sitting across from each other now while they continued to talk. "Yeah, I told Abby that I have realized just how much I've depended on you to get through each day." A few tears ran down her face now as the tears biult up in Tony's eyes. He had no problem showing his vulnerability to this women anymore. She has seen him at his best and seen him at his worst and he was definetely at a bad point in his life. "I'm just glad your finally speaking to me. Knowing you've been around but I couldn't see or speak to you, Gibbs said that I was lucky that you didn't go back home but the truth is, I've never felt so apart from you then I have these few weeks. It's been the longest and hardest time in my whole life, not being around you. As cliched as it may sound, I can't eat and I can't sleep." Looking down as some of the tears landed in his lap.

Ziva found herself reaching under the desk to take Tony's hand. He latched onto so fast that it almost made her jump. She felt the need in Tony's hand to just be touching her. The simple touch of her hand in his met soo much to him. "I have been thinking about what you said about re opening the chapter of your lif that involved Jeanne and I can understand that seeing her would make some old feelings come back. I can even understand your wanting to see her again to see how she's been doing and I know that nothing happened between you two that night, but knowing that you were with her when I needed you the most, loosing our child without you by my side, that's the part I'm having a hard time letting go of." Suddenly finding it hard to look at Tony once again.

"I know." Just whispering, looking down at his lap. "The doctor told me the problem with our little girl was always there. That it would have become fatal sooner or later." Closing her eyes in pain now. "But what would of made all the difference in the world is if you were there to hear that news with me. I need to get back to work, Tony." Standing up now as Tony did the same. "Well, will you atleast come back to work with me and the rest of us? We all miss you and that way I can keep in eye on you, you know, while we hopefully continue to work these things out." Ziva didn't know what she was going to do next. She knew she would be going home with Abby once again tonight because she just wasn't ready to move back in with him, but she really didn't see the harm in re joining her team.

"I will talk to Vance by the end up the week and see what he decides." She was about to leave when Tony took her by the hand once more. He didn't want to force any physical contact but what would get him through another day is if he could give her a kiss. It had been soo long and he knew she needed that physical contact, aswell. "Before you go, can I give you something that I've been waiting to give you since that night in the hospital?" She just looked up at Tony has he slowly leaned down to kiss her. They both whimpered in soo much need. It wasn't lust that came out of their voices, it was pure need for each other. Ziva broke the kiss before anything more could easily happen. Tony just rested his head on hers when Ziva leaned up and gave Tony a kiss on his cheek. He just help her there for as long as he could before she backed off for the time being. She was about to leave when she told Tony something he needed to hear. "Tony, eat something." Tony just laughed a little bit as he watched her walk out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**JUST SLEEP**

After work that night, Ziva returned back to Abby's where she was sleeping on Abby's couch. Abby have offered to let Ziva stay in her coffin/bed but she knew if she spent one night in that thing, she would never be normal again. She kept tossing and turning and all she could think about was Tony sleeping without her in his bed. Just how miserable he must be without her because that's exacly how she felt. She found herself getting up and putting her slippers on while heading to Abby's room. She walked up to Abby, not wanting to wake her. She gave Abby a sweet kiss on the cheek which quickly woke the goth up. "Ziva, is everything ok?" Looking concerned for her friend now. "Yes, Abby. I am going over to Tony's for the night. I need to be with him. I need to feel his arms around me." Tears formed in Ziva's as and it did the same for Abby's. "Thank you for putting up with me for a whole month. I'm proud to say you are one of my best friends and I could not of gotten through any of this if it had not been for your friendship." Abby got up a little bit to hug her friend as strong as she could. "I will always be there for you, Ziva. Give Tony a hug from me, ok?" Ziva just smiled before she left Abby's room. Abby had the biggest grin on her face as she fell back to sleep.

Ziva shortly arrived at Tony's appartment. She stood there for a few seconds before planning on picking his lock but was shocked to see that the door was already unlocked. She couldn't help but think that Tony left the door unlocked for her, incase she needed to see him. She quietly walked in the door and closed it behind her. She made her way into Tony's room. He was laying there, laying closer to her side of the bed then on his. She just smiled and took her slippers off by the door. She quietly walked up to Tony, in bed and sat down on her side of the bed which woke Tony from his sleep. "Ziva?" He didn't know if he was having a dream about her because that was very likely to happen.

"Is everything ok?" Sitting up a little bit, letting Ziva into bed with him. He looked down at her and he couldn't help but smile. Tears forming in his eyes once again. "No, everything is not fine, Tony. But I am hoping they will be soon." Tony brushed some hair out of Ziva's flawless face as he listened to what she had to say. "I cam over to just sleep. I can no longer sleep without your arms around me." Tears running down her face. "God Ziva, I've missed you so much." Laying back down in bed but ending up more in Ziva's arms then on his side. He just cried soo hard and for the longest time but it was tears of mixed emotions. "I've missed you too, Tony and I do love you. I have never stopped loving you." "I love you, Ziva. God, I love you." He rapped him arms strongly around Ziva as she cradled herself in Tony's embrace. Tony just kissed Ziva several times on different parts of her body as she let him.

The plan was to just sleep. Normally they would wake each other up atleast 2 or 3 times a night to make love to each other. It became so much of a habbit that they did it without realizing it most nights. They would then literally fall asleep in the position they just had sex in but that wasn't the case tonight. They were going to sleep in each other's arms for the first time in 1 month. They knew they had a long road back to recovery but after a month of being apart, they knew they could do it and one thing was clear, forgiving Tony did not and would never mean forgetting their baby girl.


End file.
